Archive for May, 2010

Dinosaurs

I am starting to believe that we are all trapped in a sequel to Jurassic Park in which a species of political dinosaur with the scientific name Tyrant – osuarus buyenoughvotestogetelected emerges and tries to destroy Cayman. I am not sure how such dinosaurs emerged on our Islands. They were certainly not seen when I was a child.

It may be the party political system and the absence of one-man-one-vote elections, but I think that someone needs to check that chauffeur driven blacked out SUV. It seems to work something like Superman’s quick-change telephone booth. An ordinary man gets into the back seat shortly after an election, the door closes and then a political dinosaur emerges when the door re-opens.

Ever since our dinosaur in chief got in that thing he seems to be displaying more and more strange traits. First he seemed to think that there is some secret clause in the Constitution that justifies him having a gaggle of personal servants paid for by the poor tax payers. Next he appeared to believe that he deserves a big wall around his personal property paid for by the poor tax payers. Then there is the travelling around like some oil-rich feudal prince at OUR expense. Now he apparently feels free to attack anyone who questions how much of OUR money he and his cronies are enjoying and also feels free to attack the media that allows people to question the use of OUR money.

To be fair to the SUV, I understand that it may not be the problem. Part of the problem may be due to the videos directed by long dead politicians which dinosaurs like to watch including:

Papa Doc Duvalier’s – I Pillaged My Way

Idi Amin’s – How many opponents’ heads can you fit into a refrigerator

and of course the ‘talking book’ version of the dictator’s bible, Machiavelli’s – How to intimidate enough people for long enough to bleed a country dry.

I also heard a rumour that just after the election some developer placed a bulk purchase order for the Beta-Max version of the North Korean leadership’s favourite, How to empower and enrich yourself while giving an entirely new meaning to the word ‘democracy’. It seems that any politician who is given a copy of this video feels compelled to give away multi-million dollar concessions in exchange for payoffs of one kind or another.

The only way we can rid ourselves of these dinosaurs (short of a comet strike) is to strengthen our Freedom of Information legislation and implementation, and to strengthen the resources and independence of the office of the auditor general, and of course provide for immediate public access to any and all reports of that office. Having a referendum to permanently set the pay of our politicians at no more than twice the pay of the average voter would make our country less hospitable to dinosaurs, as would the imposition of term limits so that no politician would be able to serve more than two terms.

My favourite solution to the current dinosaur infestation,however, is to impose a “hissing and spitting” tax. This would be a kind of VDT (Value Detracted Tax), payable by any dinosaur who engages in rants against the foundations of democracy, payable each and every time they have such a rant. This tax should be sufficient to deter anti-democratic behaviour – something like an actual condo at the most expensive condo-development on the island. If the dinosaur refuses to pay we should send them to prison of course. That way we might have a situation in which politicians help to pay down the country’s debts rather than increasing the country’s debt for their personal benefit.

Of course, it might also mean that they just create a new VID (very important dinosaur) wing at the prison with its own marble privacy wall, as well as a casino and little fringe benefits such as personal chefs, butlers and masseuses.

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