Man beaten with bull’s penis
(CNS): Police have confirmed this evening that they are investigating a report regarding an assault on a man which took place in Bodden Town Road last night at around 6.40pm. CNS understands from unconfirmed reports that the male assailant was a well known member of the Bodden Town business community whose weapon of choice appears to have been a dried cow cod (a bull’s penis). Police told CNS they were unable to offer further details on either the weapon or the identity of the man who allegedly committed the assault. A spokesperson said that no arrests have yet been made and enquiries into the incident were ongoing. Meanwhile, Bodden Town MLA Dwayne Seymour has been charged by police in connection with a fight at Cayman Beach Suites earlier this year.
Category: Headline News
Two penis stories very cleverly merged into one…….100 thumbs up for CNS !!!
Where’s the beef?
Come on Wizard of Oz, you can behave better than this.!!
You have our own children and children in the community who you should be setting an example for.
This isn’t the first time you have whipped another individual. A mentally disturbed young woman from BT was also subject to our whipping some years ago.
Pull it together man, this isn’t the time to behave as if you have lost your way on the Yellow Brick Road to the wonderful Emerald City in the Land of Oz.!
CNS, what was your reason for turning off the comments option under the story to do with Dwayne Seymour? Or is this one of those cases where you turn off comments because the case is going to court?
CNS: Yes.
ahhhh, very clever CNS…everyone wants to know the "link" between the two but you’re sly foxes!! Subtle, very subtle! Kill two stones with one cod! Tho’ I wonder if you are having to restrict some of the comments in regards to the karate kid…
Nevertheless, freedom reigns supreme here on CNS when smoke and mirrors prevail elsewhere!
Great job CNS!! Who woulda thunk that such a weapon existed?
But, inquiring minds wanna know: I wonder if he had a license to posses this type of weapon?
What calibre was this thing?
Can they charge the assailant with "Assault with a dead weapon?"
(Gee… Good thing it did not go off! Maybe it was loaded but not co… oh nevermind!)
If he kept this thing in his pants pocket I can imagine the guy got lots of admiring stares from the ladies.
On the serious side: Ya know…this could be bad if the radical extremists get wind of it! Can you imagine a plane gettin’ jacked by a band of thugs wielding this sort of weapon? And what if theydecide to upgrade to even more potentially deadly ones, like maybe elephant cods?
The real bad thing is that it is not metallic and will not trip the metal detector. Very bad! I would advise the CIA to be watchful for a sudden spike in codless cows in countries known to harbour terrorists! We must always be vigilant.
But wait! Is not a "cow" a female bovine? Ok. I guess the poor bull is pretty much a cow after he looses his "ting", huh?
Anyway, good thing ol’ Dwayne is not a cattle farmer or he could be in much worse hot water depending on his choice of weapon. And instead of him being "puzzeled" by the charges, the charges would be pizzling to everyone.
Ok. Another question: Where do you buy one of these things in Cayman anyway? "Cods and Things"?
Hey! What with the run-away violence in the islands and criminals obviously bored with old hat stuff like pistols and knives, increased demand for new ways to inflict mayhem could mean a new industry is born. Sure feel sorry for the bulls though. (Ouch!)
Ahh! After doing some research I see that perhaps the assailant did not have any bad intentions carrying around such a treacherous truncheon. Maybe he has a dog! Seems like these things are a tasty snack. (Wouldn’t know, do not want to know.) They sell ’em by the dozen under such yummy-sounding names as "Durango Billy Boy’s Beef Chew" and "Smokehouse Beefy Pizzle Sticks" among other name brands. They even got one called "Bone Buddies". I like the Product Description for one brand: "All natural… No preservatives. Fully digestible. Promotes dental health. Only one ingredient." You even have a choice of sizes: 5", 7" or 11". (Seems like size matters to pooches too.) Which makes me wonder what size was used in the assault. Had to have been one of the XXL in the single cello pack and not one that you buy by the bagfuls.
The most though-provoking blurb for the product is: "Long lasting chew" (Huh? They feed the bulls Viagra or what?)
Don’t believe me? Ok, check it out for yourselves on the ‘Net. Just Google "pizzle chews". (As for moi, I would not want to be trainin’ my hound to gnaw onthat particular appendage. No wayyy!!)
Thanks for the awesome reporting!
Since the police don’t carry guns they should all be armed with this technology. And then maybe they will grow a pair to match the kit.
I know of an ex- police officer back in the late 70’s who used the infamous cow cod on a crazy-man in George Town, who one night at Berkley Bush old theatre on North Church Street, was cursing and pelting the police and motorists with rocks despite being warned repeatedly to stop.
After he got swiped "one time" in the butt with the cow-cod near to Cassasnova’s restaurant, he immediately ran like a "bat out of hell" and jumped over the cement wall where Puritan Cleaner’s used to be, and took down his pants along the iron-shore and put his butt into the sea water……… trying to cool down the heat.
Talk about rubbing salt into an open wound, that salt water only made it worst !!! I’m told that all along the iron-shore up to where Cayman Auto Diagnostic Clinic is now located, he kept dipping his butt into the sea water seeking comfort but to no avail.
The crazy-man continued to stir-up trouble over the years but whenever the police came to deal with him on reports of disturbance’s, all they had to say to him was, "I’m going to call PC Ec- – – – – – – with the cod-cod" and he would immediately cease his disorderly behaviour and chill-out.
This is a True Story !!!
BT has cocky fighters!
What kind of cock-amamy story is that?!
I own a leather handbag, Would you describe it as a cow skin or cow hide bag? The penis of a bull was transformed into something else, If I kick you with my alligator skin boots, were you kicked by an alligator? What if I smoother someone with my coat made from the skin of a mink? The headline would have been so much less sensatIonal (and correct0 if you had used the term cow cod.
Please hush, you are setting me crazy.
Oh hush! Cow cod…..Bull’s penis…..SAME thing! Great headline CNS…..now that’s the way to capture an audience and sell yourself so to speak.
Let me get this thing right, one dude attacks the other dude with – non the least, a cow cod, and the guy being attacked takes away the cow cod and puts on his attacker!Doesn’t get any better than this thanks CNS. Even though I can see the humor in this headline. This Ex MLA could do better than going around cowardly attacking not only men but women as well with his choice of weapon. Talk about getting a taste of your own medicine Lol.
Sorry to tell ya bobo, but, I believe you got your story twisted hahaha…
What the deuce!! Talk about taking the bull by the …. cod!
For those who are enthralled by the image of a rather large, engorged (or flaccid) mammalian penis being wielded as a weapon in "A Clockwork Orange" manner, may I clarify:
The Cow Cod, as this meat truncheon is known in the Caribbean, is indeed a bull’s penis; stretched and dried until it takes on a consistency not unlike beef jerky or more accurately, a rawhide whip. As such, it is a formidable weapon, inflicting painful and stinging blows. When wielded with deterrent force, it has been known to make grown men weep and pee their pants.
Wonder if Northward Prison might be interested?
Or John Grey High School.
Security Centre, do youhave these in stock?
19:16 you are indeed Professor Know!
What a load of "Cock and Bull"!!
This is too funny! Thank you CNS, Cayman needed a good belly bursting laugh!!!
So new rule! To qualify as a candidate for BT you must get beat up in public!!! The BT Politicians are 0-2 in public fights that they start!!!! LOL HAHAHAHAHAHA
Just another day in Absurdistan.
Thank you CNS for the good humour.
I have never laughed so much at one time in a long time and to think these are the people we have elected to represent the country. This story and the one about the vehicle and paved road just goes to show what a bunch of clowns we have representing the country. I am thinking if it would be possible for the country to sell these clowns to Ringling Brothers for their circus show, maybe we could recoup the money for the vehicle if we could get rid of the whole bunch at one time.
Why is this story connected, you ask??? Because they’re both jackas’ from BT who believe their crap don’t stank!!!
There is a puzzle board to work out here why the two stories are joined. Scratch your head and figure it out.
Is it the assailants privilege to do and say what he wants to in your business, and abuse your staff? What is my property, I sure as hell am going to defend. It is time for all of us to respect one another and stop being a terror under the influence of grass, powder or sand. We need to encourage those who we inherited to lead worthwhile lives in our communities and stop causing undue stress and problems, then this rock would be a better place.
Must be something in da Bodden Town water lol
I just don’t understand why someone would use perfectly good local cuisine as a weapon. Maybe they should have deep fried the penis then have a sit down to resolve their differences like gentlemen. Way to go Cayman you have outdone yourselves again at looking like the fools of the world.
What a waste of good meat "Cow Cod" makes the best soup, drink it and you dont need to buy "Viagra"
Why would anyone here buy viagara when they can easily obtain Jamaican Stone/Black Stone over the pond?
Does this mean the victim was "pizzle whipped?" That is the common name of the item in question, and which is frequently sold in pet stores as a dog chew toy.
My, my but we have descended down a very slippery slope of depravity of late….
For those of you who stopped reading after the first few lines…
"Check back to CNS later for more on both these stories."
This is the funniest story I’ve read in a long time. Emailed it to all of my family and friends back home. Still chuckle everytime I think about it.
Times are so tough now-a-days that I hardly have a gutsy laugh any more but this one caused me to crack up. And its not the story itself, but the slant some of these posters put on it. Guys you save me some dollars at the doctor.
RCIPS are focusing their efforts on finding an extremely angry bull in the BT area
11:57 LOL! are you looking for MOO & GRINGO, I believe the story Book titled " Tell me More" says that they had escaped and were looking for the "Mastic Trail" LOL.
If someone attacked me with a bull penis I would be cowed.
These men were clearly having some sort of beef.
All joking aside – its still an assault and charges should be brought.
And who said Cayman didn’t have any culture? Hahahahaha
CNS: Thanks for the comdeic value of the bull penis story, but surely the fact that an mla is being charged with ‘attempting to obstruct, prevent, pervert or defeat the course of justice’ deserves it’s own story?
Surely a more appropriate headline would have been :
Man beaten with a Cow Cod.
This is the Caribbean is it not?
I don’t know. I recall the time a fellow in Jamaica was shot in the crotch and the headline in the newspaper read,"Penis Shot Dead". True story. 🙂
LOL! I mean, I’m sure that hurts like hell but I can’t help but be in tears laughing at this story!
Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo husbands, and hide yo bulls penis’…they attacking everybody in here.
How come this is the only news item that doesn’t have an image associated with it?
Yes, come on pictures please, we need to know – was the penis still attached to the bull at the time of the incident??
Scraatchin’mehead please, I can’t laugh anymore. Heeeeee, Haaaaaa,Heeeeee, Oyeyoooooo, heeeeeee, Haaaaa, He,he.
This is freaking awesome. God bless the Cayman Islands, I love this place.
Here is a little background for those who are curious…
"The penis sword has evolved throughout the centuries, becoming a common household utensil throughout Europe. It was brought to the Americas in 1337 by Christopher Columbus, who reportedly said, "Bend down, ye savages, lest I give ye a hard dicking".
The European penis sword effected the discipline to maintain slavery, with the European overlords holding out these erect, throbbing tools in a threatening way in response to any slave’s attempt to flee. Eventually, the oppressed peoples developed their own penis swords, and in some cases even wielded swords longer than 2 feet.
To this day, the penis sword is a source of competition, usually unsheathed in events known as "dick waving contests" like the war in Iraq."
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Penis
I must admit that there is a humorous side of this story.
The article was somewhat confusing though, was Mr. Seymour the person with the swinging bull penis?
I hope not.
I am impressed by the blending of two penis related stories.
Come on CNS, where’s your clever graphic for this story – no clip art available? Where the heck was my favourite photo journalist Dennie Warren when this perverted penis pummeling was purpetrated?
He been blapped!
Da cow cod will straighten ya backside up
Disgusting is what I say, I saw and heard the whole thing and I and more than will to testify in a court of law. Mr. XXXXX you should be ashamed of yourself. The man crossed the road to avoid any problems and I saw when you took the cow cod out of the trunk and run across the road and assaulted him. Only thing saved him is that he got the upper hand on you and started to beat you with it, shame on you. This is no example for the already troubled youth in the communities around our beautiful little Island. The example made by one affects the outcome of many, sir. This is not your first time assaulting a man or woman with this deadly weapon, please sir put it down give the correct example. God Bless
i heard this is a politician who cried when he lost, a man who wants to represent his people! can he learn to lead by example before wanting to represent??? beating people with cow cod is funny, but so freakin ludicrous for a man of honor to be doing when he attempted walking away from confrontation…
Politician?????? You know if it was anyone else a name would have been called by now….if you are sure 100% sure, name the name please…..lol
Can’t you see that is why the two stories are conected.
I have to ask – why did he have a bull’s penis in the boot of his car, and where did he get it from?
A Bull…
Same thing I was wondering. Wtf kind of man carries around a cow penis in his truck? LMFAO
Seems to me he’s carrying it in his vehicle as an offensive weapon and should be charged accordingly!
Yes. This cow cod has been around Bodden Town for sometime now, used and abused with both men and women. I too believe it needs a rest.
You don’t know the whole story
You would change your mind if you did
New business opportunity – how can I put in an order for these?
How did this person obtain this offensive weapon without a licence? How do you hold this weapon? How do you use it? How do you know about it? Where did you find it….how did you obtain it?
Anyone like to become partners in a manufacturing opportunity…without touching the animal, they have enough problems in Spain!
Falsie ones will be the ‘in’ thing, legal, no chemicals……….RCIP – your new weapon is on the way!!!! How many should I make?
you must not be a caymanian if you do not know what a cow cod is I am 41 and i have heard of this all my life
Some wanted to go back to the ole times…did they ever leave…be careful what you wish for.
How can we mix this in with rope and turtles…RBT…rope, bull and turtle….
Its a new dance and it goes like this……step to the left, then step to the right, one step forward, one step back, swing around, face forward, swing around, face back….and repeat…..step to the left…
This is going to be CNS’ recommendation for best online news service.
Will start it myself if there isn’t one.
With the most amount of comments on this one………superb!!! Keep commenting and make this one the best!
Where’s the bull in the china shop now! Broke the china?
Bully bully, bully bully::))
So was he … or was the other one…..
Which one was the bull?
Appears alot happening in Bodden Town…mmm…new docking place for new business! When can I book my cruise!
Its call cow cod. The last time I saw someone beaten with that, was a drunken man and he, got sober with the first lick.
I wonder if the cow cod man was that tall strapping one. hmmmmm.
This is a popular weapon in Norther Indian states some years ago and nothing to laugh about. We are going back to the stone age ….We should keep these weapons to deal with the corrupt politicians and child molasters.
Huh?
Wow, talking about "swinging it around", I mean come on, this is taking it too far. Was it circumcised ? Are we sure it was a bulls and not one of these wild apes that call themselves human that are doing these crimes we see today? I assume the Police are doing DNA on the victim. I wonder though, what else they were doing keeping a bulls pecker in hand….LOL. sorry I could not pass on that one!
All jokes aside, how on earth did this make the headlines and not Dwanye’s charges? I mean an MLA with a big court appearance coming up now, and some guy getting slapped around by an animal pecker. This happens often, just not with a bulls! I do remember some years ago when the headlines and news reported a humans DNA on a cow from human sperm and I thought that was strange, but was told that is nothing that wierd and when you see cement blocks in 2’s you can figure out what is what in the pasture. What is this world coming to? This beatssorry bad choice of words, takes the cake!
Talk about Keepin’ it real! Now THIS is Caymanian culture. Before we rush to judgement we should find out what happened to cause such a beating.
But I tell you what, if alot more of the bums and hoodlums we had around here got a touch from the good ole’ COW COD that would straighten them up in no time.
I am told by older folks that the grown men were known to piss up themselves and to openly cry after getting beaten with the cow cod.
Now that’s sustainable punishment…good for the environment- natural and social all in one.
Surely the guilty party will be banged up for a schlong schlong time.
As Jim always said "You can’t beat a bit of bully !"
The premier and his minions are spending huge amounts of money wining and dining potential investors in extremely expensive venues. Given the current headlines from Cayman, this expendature is a waste of time and money.
Really, if you were a sophisticated potential investor with millions of dollars in your pocket, would you invest it in a jurisdiction run by politicians who have no self control?
Perception is reality. The perception, right or wrong, is that Cayman is governed by a bunch of wannabe "gangstas". This is tragic because there are some good people in government (believe it or not) who are doing good things in spite of McKeeva.
Dwayne, do the right thing and resign. You will be spending the next year or two defending yourself instead of dedicating your time and energy to the country.
When did he ever dedicate his time and energy to country?
Sounds like a load of bull to me!
The bull called and said he’d rather like his penis back…
Being walloped with a cod is nothing more than codswallop
And being hit with a bull’s cock sounds like a cock and bull story……….
@ Anonymous 18:13 – I fully agree with you! I was just saying the same thing, where did Dwayne’s story fit in with the beating of a man with a bull’s penis ?? Is it because it’s rumoured that it’s an ex-PPM member who’s done this ? If you want to comment on Dwayne, make it another topic!!!!!
Forget Dwayne Seymour.This bull story is more interesting news.
Can CNS conduct a survey of its readers as to which headline is "best of 2010":
1. Man Beaten with Bull’s Penis or
2. Big Mac has eye on Asian Pie
i am going to have to sleep on this one and cast my vote in the morning!!!
This is no laughing matter
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hh
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
How is this connected to Dwayne Seymour?….ishe the "businessman"?….or maybe his cousin, colleague, friend?
Maybe he’s the cow’s a$$ – not lacking for bull$h!t is he….
LOL!!! Now this is one for Run Down 2011. Get your pen out Dave Martins 🙂
i think dave martins left the island about a year ago
Lets hope Barefoot is not far behind
Or maybe The "Barefoot Man".
I find it kind of funny that "Man beaten with bull’s penis" and MLA Dwayne Seymour are mentioned in the same article with "Man beaten with bull’s penis taking precedence over Mr. Seymour’s being charged. Actually I would have thought that an MLA being charged with an offense would have superseded a bull penis beating with the press. But I guess he still just a small fry.
i cant wait to read the rest of this one, but in any event, this headline is one of the better ones that CNS has ever produced.
i will wait on the edge of my seat to see who used the penis and who the receiver was. please update with names as soon as possible!!!
The best news in this article is the news that BT MLA Dwayne Seymour has FINALLY been charged for his crimes a few months ago. The UDP elected members are falling one by one, this is just the beginning. It is all falling apart for the UDP & rightfully so. I can hear "bi-elections" bells ringing in BT once again………candidates, on your mark…….
We are doomed.
This is just meant to sex up the story otherwise the author needed to give us more so that we could be excited reading it.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this one!!!!! Shouldn’t be too hard proving who the assailant is – anyone know anybody who keeps a bull’s penis about their person? Do you think he was fed up of all the bull……..?
Next time he should use a donkey’s which is longer and firmer
How do you know this?
Well! He who feels it knows it. You seem to know about the donkeys penis but not about the Bulls. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Nothing beats some good humour especially in these hard times.
Soon all MLA’s (current and ex) will be in jail. LOL:)
Oh dear …
This is surely a sign of the apocalypse !! Can hardly wait to see this one unfold in all its glorious details …
Oh oh, looks like joke joke is in trouble…… he has now been charged.
When I first saw the headline I thought to myself – wow he must really have p$%&ed off that bull.
Well at least he detached the bull first.
Just when you think you have about heard it all…….. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, indeed.
While the alleged activities of troglodytes in rural Cayman is quite bizarre, surely the more important headline should have been "neanderthal politician charged by police".
Troglodytes ti blirdseed!!!
Troglodyte may refer to: Caveman, a member of a primitive race or tribe of cave-
i think the dwayne seymour section deserves it’s own article or is it connected to the bull penis story???
Say "Cow Cod". It sounds better. Thats Caribbean.
YOU ALL JUST MADE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF HAHAHA
"green" weapon at use.