Purple reigns as Broadhurst win

(CRFU): Confucius once said, “Every journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step”. The Proclaimers sang something similar but preferred to break the journey down into two equal 500 mile segments, presumably stopping for refreshments half way through. I’m fairly sure Confucius wasn’t referring to the long and often arduous journey of a team working their way through their very first touch rugby season but, with a bit of a stretch, I think he would accept that the analogy works with regard to Division 2 newcomers Broadhurst.

DIVISION 2

When their name first appeared on the roster, the sage and the wise of Cayman Touch Rugby said “Who?” But then, in a moment of clarity they wondered, “Could this be the team of which the ancient scrolls prophesied? Legend foretold of a legendary team whose legendary rugby skills are the stuff of erm… legend. Legend says they were so amazing, in fact, that their opponents would go blind from over-exposure to the brilliance of their sheer awesomeness! You think I’m exaggerating? Think again.

The first glimpse of the Broadhurst phenomenon was of an extra-terrestrial vision in purple – purple shirts, purple headbands, and purple wristbands. Was it corporate branding gone mad, some cultish uniform or had someone simply left their plum-coloured undies in the communal kit bag? It matters not.

Their journey on the path to touch rugby Enlightenment did not start well with some faltering steps, stumbling and bumbling along with early defeats and scant sign of the team they would become.

But in this tortured mixed metaphor of travel and mystical spirituality their “Road to Damascus” (groan) experience came a couple of weeks ago when back-to-back wins transformed them from average journeymen into butt-kicking jiujutsu warriors. They began to demonstrate to the world ninja-like abilities of death-defying speed, agility, cunning, poise and balance. It seemed that the laws of gravity and quantum physics did not apply to this dynasty of dragon masters. They are the Seven Samurai of touch rugby except there are only… well… six of them (on the pitch anyway). Such is the bond between them that they have given secret names to each other. The world may know them as Glanfield, Miller, Keenan, Austin, Murray and O’Connor but during a game cries of Tigress, Crane, Mantis, Viper, Monkey and “Sonny Bill” can be heard. Such is the lightning speed of Jason “Silky” Scarff that he can actually be in two places on the pitch at the same time.

Leading this band of merry shogun terrors is Mistress Po herself Kate McClymont. Zen-like in her demeanour, lethal in defence – her touches are more like Vulcan death grips – and resplendent in pink shorts (pink with purple – really?) she mixes the power of a supercell-tornado with the quiet stillness of a butterfly at rest.

With all that going on it’s hardly surprising they narrowly squeaked a 4-3 win over Walkers who proved a worthy adversary to these purple purveyors of portent. Tries from Scarff, Andrew “the Beast” Childe and Ma(n)tt(is) Keenan sealed the deal whilst Paul Smith and Vikki Piaso answered for Walkers. It was a case of the purple reigns on Walkers parade.
Campbells continued their run of fine form with 9-0 humping of Island Heritage.

Sometimes in sport everything clicks into place, every pass connects, every move works and for Campbells it was that day.  There were big performances across the whole team and the minutes spent on the training paddock are clearly paying off.

Eschewing the more traditional two-up or three-up play preferred by some teams, Campbells allow their girls to indulge in a new four-play system that had the crowd enthralled before throwing the ball out wide for speedsters like captain Peter-Arthur De Vere and Nick Quin. Bryan Little had an immense game and was involved in many of Campbells best moves. He racked up three tries as did Wikiboo Hitchman whose interplay with Dicky Sawle-Thomas has become key to Campbells recent success. Jonny Lewis showed his worth with some great defence often making last gasp touches to halt Island Heritage in its stride. Rohan Monty did a great job in the early phases of Campbells attacks and the explosive Marcus Cumber made a real impact in a mouth-watering display especially in the final phases of the game. Shelly Cox, playing against doctors’ orders having recently sustained a near fatal broken fingernail injury, showed her class on more than one occasion with an excellent defensive performance. No-one was going to slip through her channel.

At the end of the game De Vere, swollen with pride or possibly just water retention, couldn’t wait to wax lyrical about his teammates. “Little was large. Quin was mighty. Hart is the soul of our team. Cox was rock solid and our wiki-dicky combo gave them a lot of problems. I brought Rhian off in the second half because I wanted to keep Minty fresh for next week. By the time the fourth try went over some people thought it was a dead rubber but I wanted to be safe and take precautions so I used Jonny for protection at the back. But it was certainly a happy ending for me with Cumber’s climatic explosive finish at the end.”

Campbells are on a roll and judging by this performance it’s a roll in the shape of a big bap packed with ham and cheese and served with soup and salad. Hungry anyone?
Deloitte destroyed DMS 7-1 in the inaugural “Double-D Cup” (next year I am sure Dart and Delta Force would like to take part too). Kathryn Scott took the plaudits as MVP. Not only did she score a great try but her overall play signaled her as the stand out player. Alistair Lum, David Acutt (2),Nick Brierly, Jacque Hastings, Bella Crooke also added their names to the scoresheet; David Bakker replied for DMS.

Rawlinson & Hunter took on the mighty Maidens and came off second best. The 4-0 score reflecting the difference in finishing ability which has become a feature of the Heineken Light Maidens. They are deadly from short distance playing with pace and precision from five metres out. It is extremely difficult to defend against and Vangie Raftopoulos was singled out for special praise.

Last week I proclaimed UBS’ first win of the season and blow me down if they haven’t gone and done it again. Cracking work from Jacqui Davies, who scored a brilliant opening try from her own break, was added to by Stuart Reed who scored the second. Harmonic could rarely find their way through some very stubborn defence with Gavin McMaster crossing the white line just the once. Final score 2-1 to UBS. What odds on them making it three out of three for next week? 250-1…  they are playing Campbells who are on fire!

DIVISION 1
Like Bryan Adams interminable stay at the top of the charts with the classic Everything I Do I Do It For You or Whitney’s incessant warbling on I Will Always Love You,  what can start off as something fresh and exciting can soon become predictable and mundane.

And so it is with SteppingStones. They have sat atop the table since early June and so their victory over Ogier hardly raised an eyebrow – until you see the score-line of 4-3. This is a team that has wiped the floor, then buffed and shined it with the shirts of the opposition all season, rarely breaking sweat with their Dream Team of superstars. So the story here is not that SteppingStones won but rather the fantastic effort of Ogier to run them so close. Ogier have struggled for results this season but their overall play has been both full of commitment and skill.

This is a tough division and they have run teams close on a number of occasions.  Every team needs a dynamic line-breaker and in James Waters they have a man who can step off either foot and then put that foot on the accelerator. Recently timed at 2.97 seconds for 20 metres, Waters is technically faster than a Ford Mondeo Estate although this may be due to the fact that the driver was somewhat delayed by messing around with his seatbelt and driving gloves [however, safety first is important I think we all agree]. Angel Hawkins added a third and SteppingStones were looking at the first dropped points of the season. In the end, Scott McCarty, Rudolf Weder (2) and Simon Raftopolous ended the Ogier dream. But, as the Black Eyed Peas sang for 14 eternal/infernal weeks at the top of the US Billboard charts, I Gotta Feeling that an Ogier win is just around the corner.

Maples1 may be the most structured, organized team in the Division and by being almost religiously zealous in their modus operandi of three hit-ups they know that if they execute their plan well few can live with them. Their opponents, Dart, play apply a more, some might say, “off-the-cuff” style and one which largely subscribes to the chaos theory of touch rugby. Against less well-organised opposition Dart have notched some notable victories on their rugby bedpost but they were to go home empty handed after this one.

At times the match resembled synchronized swimming versus a playground bundle. In this analogy, Jyoti Choi would be the synchronizer-extraordinaire around whom the team takes its cue. Four tries and deadly from dummy half or broken play, Choi is rapidly adding his name to the pantheon of famous JCs’ – James Cagney, James Coburn, Jacques Cousteau, Joan Collins and Jamie Lee Curtis. Marcus Cumber, so often the jack-in-the-box for Dart continued his splendid scoring season with another two tries.  Final score 7-2 to Maples1.

Trident Titans with their “active management” player recruitment policy do more wheeler-dealering than at a Used Car Convention for dodgy motors. Nic Swartz, a slightly better-looking version of Brad Pitt in “Moneyball”, has an uncanny knack for finding new players to ensure the Titans franchise goes from strength to strength. Formal introductions of players are made at the team huddle and name tags are given out for ease of recognition.

Lisa Bird was humming and Phil “Hands of” Fourie scored a try apiece whilst Neil Ainscow, like Frank Sinatra but without the Mafia connections, made a fantastic comeback to touch rugby and scored a try that will ease the anxiety of his long term shoulder injury. It’s his right one folks so go easy, he is delicate.

Maples2 have a new recruit too in the shape of Camilo “Chile” Ramirez. He brings the average age down by quite a few years and the average speed up by a fair bit as well. His try was a highlight in an otherwise tiring game for Maples2 who are still hamstrung with injuries and absentees. A welcome addition to the team.  Final score Trident Titans 3 Maples2 1.

Division 3 results not available at time of going to press.