Monty hits Walkers for six

(CRFU): It was Match Day 5 in the KRyS Global National Mixed Touch Rugby Championships 2013 last weekend and, as the season turns round the penultimate bend, three teams are stepping forward to put in a heavy challenge for the title. Hot on the heels of their famous victory over the reigning touch rugby Champions last week, Genesis Trust were even hotter this week with Captain Neil Montgomery the hottest of the lot. This twisting firestarter almost single-handedly destroyed Walkers who were burned, blasted and scorched until all that was left could only be identified by its dental records. With this hot display Monty certainly puts the “fire” in fiery, the “sizzle” in sizzling and the “xxx” in arsonist as he set the scoreboard alight.

Genesis Trust 10 Walkers 2

It all started with Roger Priaulx who sustained his run of scoring in every game so far with a nice little opener. This hardy perennial continually defies Father Time with his seventh try of the season. Walkers have played solid touch rugby throughout these Championships but were taught a harsh lesson on what it takes to be a top team in touch. Missing a few players from their starting lineup due to injury, this was compounded when Lil’ Kim Smith dislocated her little pinky whilst heroically diving to stop an errant pass hitting the ground. 

Reports from the sideline said she was a brave little soldier and after a quick trip to A&E was released under observation with strict instructions to orally administer liquid pain-killers served in ice-cold green bottles. She took her medicinewell I hear. Walkers just couldn’t get a hold in the game despite the best efforts of Rolf Lindsay, Rhian Minty, Elaine Kerr and Brad Stephenson.

Up stepped Monty. This one-man-show was great to watch as the crowd voyeuristically watched him metaphorically take down his opponents pants and give them a good spanking.    THWACK! A dummy, a side-step and under the posts. SLAP! A neat interchange and easy run in to score. KAPOW! A burst of pace through the gap for a simple touchdown. BOSH! A double side-step, a twist and a flip finished with a slice of panache. BONK! A give-and-go, with a triple toe-loop and a dash of va-va-voom for number five. WALLOP! Trademark drop of the shoulder, fake-offload, double Salchow and a burst of exuberance to cross the whitewash. He’d scored 6.0 from all the judges -except the Russian one (which is typical!)

Monty’s six of the best left Walkers reeling in agony. With hot flushed cheeks and panting for breath they were taught a harsh lesson they won’t want to repeat – truly caned by Genesis Trust.

JERRY’S MAGIC GLOVE UPDATE – On show for a third week in a row, Jerry “The Power of Glove” Beck seems to have re-found his mojo. His magic gloves played very well helping Beck run in a good try. When interviewed after the game the Magic Gloves said, “We are very happy with our owner. He treats us well and makes sure we don’t get too grubby. We get washed every week so we can look our dazzling best come match-day. Last week we’d lost that gloving feeling but today we were certainly in a groovy kind of glove.” Talking magic gloves? Whatever next.

Rolf Lindsay scored both tries for Walkers but it was scant consolation for a tough day in the boardroom.

SIDEBAR NWNT 11 DART 4
A match-up between tournament co-favourites and the bottom team didn’t look like much to excite the crowd but for a while DART made the unbelievable seem possible with a fine performance, particularly in the first half. Short of players for every game this year, DART have typically started well but ran out of steam in the final phases of the game. And so it proved again this week. SIDEbar, with their pace attack enhanced by a first outing for the sartorial car-crash that is Neal Ainscow, quickly ran up three tries. Ainscow, Riley Mullen and Jyoti Choi doing the damage.

But then DART found a gritty response and answered with tries from Ruan Van Vuuren, Scott Murray and Loletta Hanna.  Murray’s was the pick of the bunch with a now typical flailing-arms-and-legs manoeuvre that defies gravity, logic and all five senses. His octopus-on-steroids approach means he can squeeze through any gap to dash for the try-line. Thankfully there is no ink squirt to confuse his opponents. Lewis Chong looked lively on his debut and is a fine addition to the squad.

With the score tied on 3-3 an upset looked on the cards. DART would have to hold their line to consolidate and then frustrate SIDEbar. Sadly for DART, they responded almost immediately with a Choi score quickly followed by another from Mullen to go in at half-time 5-3. This pricked a big hole in DART’s balloon and the second half was largely one-way traffic. Brandon Smith came up with a second half hat-trick with one more each from Ainscow and Choi. This kept the scoreboard ticking over and the result out of sight. A consolation score for Mat Bishop was scant reward for the efforts of the DART team.

STEPPING STONES 7 HEINEKEN BREW CREW 4
SteppingStones continued their 100% record with a fine win over Heineken Brew Crew. Captain Scott McCarty was pivotal with three tries bringing his seasons total to seven. The ‘Stones play a fast-paced game and identical twins Ray Galletly and Morgan Shelver form a nice partnership whenever on the pitch together.

With Mike McGrath also adding some sleight-of-hand passing, the ball is often thrown back and forth like a hand grenade with the pin removed.  Anyone dropping that ball would be in for a shock. It took a full seven minutes for the first try to be scored, another record for this season and it was Rudolf Weder who found the gap to break the deadlock.

McCarty added a second before the lead was further extended by Karen Hart with a nice pair. If SteppingStones are known for their passing game then Heineken are celebrated for having fast elusive runners and Steve Henshaw. Iain Currie and the brothers Westin have, in previous weeks, been able to score through their ability to break through with some fancy footwork and it was just such a break from the red-hot Currie that put Heineken’s first point on the board.

Paul Westin added a second and for while it looked like the Brew Crew could get back in the game. However, some sloppy passing and miscommunication led to attacks stuttering to a halt and SteppingStones capitalized with two more quick tries from the follically-challenged Shelver and the wonderfully hirsute McCarty – they are a sort of yin and yang of touch rugby. This natural duality of complementary forces interact to become greater than the sums of their parts pushing SteppingStones towards the top of the table and the Championship title.