The ‘Stones top the bill over Genesis

(CRFU): It was the final day of the regular season in the KRyS Global National Mixed Touch Rugby Championships 2013 and play-off places were up for grabs. The three games looked like good match-ups before the kick-off and all three produced moments of great rugby. SteppingStones 10 Genesis Trust 6: Picture an imaginary fistfight between Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood and Mick Jagger in one corner; Mick Rutherford, Tony Banks and Phil Collins in the other – the bad boys of 1960’s rock n’ roll against the upper-middle class fops of overblown Seventies Prog Rock. The Rolling Stones are a bunch of guys no father would want his daughter to date, whereas the well-spoken Genesis would be the Mum's favourite.

Even if all were at their peak of physical conditioning (which for Richards may be hard to imagine) I think few would put money on anything other than an easy win for the street-fighting ‘Stones. Sure, Genesis may confuse and emasculate with some overly intricate and interwoven verbiage but the simple 1, 2, 3, 4 stop-start riffing by the lads from Dartford would punch through the soft underbelly of the public school boys of Surrey. Exile on Main Street versus The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway? No contest really in my humble opinion.

Here in Cayman we had our own version of this “Stones versus Genesis” scrap when SteppingStones took on Genesis Trust in a top of the table clash and there was much to give the crowd plenty of satisfaction.

Admittedly McGrath, Shelver, Randall, Weder and Waters doesn’t have the same ring to it as Mick Jagger and Co. but they stay top of the touch charts with a win that sets them up nicely for the upcoming play-offs. Weder and Waters were both a bit subdued, akin to a latter-day Wyman and Watts, but they provided a solid base and rhythm to the ‘Stones play. It was Simon Raftopolous, taking the role of Brian Jones in this labored analogy, who was heavily influential in the early stages by scoring four tries in the first half. Mike McGrath struts around like a manly 6ft Ocker version of the diminutive Jagger choreographing his teammates and bouncing touch rugby riffs off Morgan Shelver and others.

In the early exchanges SteppingStones power-play got the crowd on its feet and the scores came at regular intervals. Genesis never really found their true form and were off key in defensive areas. Lacking a bit of touch rugby nous, gaps appeared in the defensive line which were clinically exploited. A half-time score of 7-3 reflected not so much the possession stats but the effectiveness of what was done with that possession.

Genesis lacked nothing in creativity and may have been guilty of overelaborating at times but every try they scored involved a sweet interplay of missed passes, half-breaks and offloads. It takes a lot of effort and, due to a lack of genuine pace, they don’t get those opportunistic tries from breakaways that championship winning teams seem to be able to pull out of the bag. Lisa Kehoe weighed in with a seasons’ best of three tries, Alex Pineau got a pair and Neil Montgomery added a consolation. On the other hand, SteppingStones took advantage of some slack defending and scored some well executed break-out tries. The try of the game was scored by Karen Hart who superbly finished off a move involving all six players moving the ball from one side of the pitch to the other.

So SteppingStones finish the regular season on top of the table giving them the number one seeding into the play-off finals. If guilty of taking the game a tad too seriously at timesI’m sure they will not let up now they have their eyes on the prize.

STOP PRESS! MAGIC GLOVES UPDATE SHOCKER – it looks a bit touch and go for the magic gloves of Jerry “Glove Me Do” Beck. The gloves sadly had to be pulled off when Beck suffered an awkward inner thigh injury that could see him out for the rest of the tournament. When interviewed afterwards the Magic Gloves said, “We are devastated for Jerry, we have become very close recently and go together like hand in… er… glove!” Beck was unavailable for comment.

DART 10 KPMG 3

With both teams firmly anchored at the wrong end of the league table this was the biggest Battle of the Bottom since Beyonce and J-Lo went cheek-to-cheek at the 2011 Rear of the Year Awards. Before the game DART gathered in a huddle to invoke whatever help they could from a Higher Power. I couldn’t hear all that was said other than, “Our Father, who DART in heaven, Camana Bay thy name…” It must have been inspiring as within a couple of minutes Captain Stacy Ottenbreit, the Queen of Regina, scored the first.

But one thing we have learned over the season is that KPMG has a never-say-die attitude. Ian Roberton replied not once but twice to level DART scores and when a third went down for KPMG it seemed as if the god of touch rugby had forsaken his DART devotees. And then, the clouds broke and the sun shone through bathing the pitch in celestial light. The aptly named Alana Grace scored to make it 3-3. It was clear that the DART Prayer had actually worked. After that it was one-way traffic. Niall O’Sullivan, in his first run-out of the season, put on a fine individual display scoring a hat-trick of tries only to be bettered by Andy Childe who scored four. After the match Childe revealed that he had played manfully through the pain barrier as he had suffered a nasty blister on his little pinky-toe that really was rather distressing.
And so, as 1980’s UK soap actor Nick Berry of EastEnders and Heartbeat fame sang in his popular yet ultimately naff Number 1 hit single “Every Loser Wins”, DART notch up their first win of the season. They are truly blessed.

SIDEBAR NWNT 10 Heineken Brew Crew 6

Another interesting match-up saw SIDEbar NWNT take on Heineken Brew Crew whose effervescent season has gone a bit flat of late. The teams shared scores throughout a highly competitive first half with Adam Huckle, Nic Swartz, Simon Crompton allscoring whilst Neal Ainscow, with his distinctive upright running style like a Royal Cavalier charging into battle, galloped through the defensive line time and again to notch up a handy brace. To give their attack real momentum both Huckle and Jyoti Choi have a pick-up faster than a pimped-up Dodge Ram fitted with a jet-pack and cause many a defence to yield under the pressure. Brew-Crew-ers Paul Westin (2) and Marco du Plessis crossed the line to keep Heineken in the game and give a half-time score of 4-3.

The massed crowd on the bleachers could not wait for a pulsating second half to start, expecting more of the same cut and thrust. However, the fizz went out of Heineken and further scores from Jyoti Choi (3) and seven-try hero of last week Riley Mullen stretched the lead as SIDEbar truly began to dominate the game. Whilst the guys scored the tries a shout-out must go to SIDEbar’s women who play an integral part in their play. Clearly to be heard from the sidelines, Jo Ziegler and Chandra Friesen orchestrate a lot of the play issuing instructions like a foghorn over a precipitous sea, whilst Jo Remillard and Sheila Crosby put in the hard yards taking it up the middle. Consolation tries for Westin, Iain Currie and Phill Thompson made the score look closer than the game actually was and now SIDEbar go into the play-offs knowing they have a real chance of taking the title. Doubtless, their preparation for the finals will be intensive as they have a real sniff at glory.