Male, embarrassed and speaking out
I am a man. A male. These are my thoughts, yet I hope that I speak for the majority of my gender here in Cayman. A few weeks ago I went to the Estella Scott Roberts Foundation kick off of this year’s campaign, “Silence Hurts". The message behind the campaign is to challenge all of us to speak up when we see injustice. I am speaking out now at what I consider an injustice.
I have long spoken out and been active in the struggle against domestic abuse and gender inequality. I serve as chairperson of the Cayman Island Crisis Centre and was on the committee with Estella that helped to start that needed organization. I have served as president of two Rotary Clubs in this country. I was a member and chaired the Special Advisory Committee on Gender Violence that reported to Cabinet. I am a male that has a daughter, granddaughter, another granddaughter soon to arrive, three sisters and, of course, a mother.
Tuesday night, I made a point of listening to the TV broadcast of the Honorable Premier’s meeting in Bodden Town where he spoke and floored questions from the people. I will say here that I am very critical of government and have been, not just this administration but of previous one also.
Now to my point. This is not about political ideology but about common decency. I was amazed, embarrassed, disappointed and ashamed of our Leader. The Honorable Premier, when asked difficult and pointed questions, by two different females, referred to them with belittling terms such as "Sweetheart" and "Darling". In my opinion, such statements when delivered in the context which they were done are disrespectful, offensive, condescending, gratuitous, and unbecoming, not just the premier of a country such as ours, but any individual.
Our country has made amazing strides over the years toward the goal of gender equality and towards the acceptance of the worth of individuals of both genders and their ability, and right, to achieve and contribute equally to the growth and fulfillment of the Cayman Islands.
I would ask all people, not just our elected officials, to embrace the fact that as individuals we are equal, regardless of gender, and as such deserve the respect we would ask for ourselves. Until we respect the worth of all individuals our country will never realize its full potential.
In the future, I would suggest that the Honorable Premier, all leaders for that matter, address individuals in a respectful manner and with respectful titles, not condescending pet names used out of context. Should the Honorable Premier wish to right the wrong that was done, then I would respectfully suggest that he publicly apologize to these two women, the same way in which he publically belittled and disrespected their value as persons who accepted his invitation to the public to attend this meeting and ask questions.
Category: Viewpoint
McKeeva is unfit to lead and should be dishonorably discharged.
The "Sweetheart" and "Darling", no matter how many excuses are offered for them, were unseemly, and possibly sexist, but i think the uncivil manner in which he barked at not only Denise and Carolina, but also that Levy man from BT (those were all that I saw) was disgraceful and inexcusable. The premier (and all 9 of his puppets) should be ashamed. I sure am. I find it embarrassing that the outside world considers him "my" Premier. There was no statesmanship in this. Not that I expected better. Denise and Carolina, please go to the next meeting and fire away.
Let’s not discount nor confuse culture in this instance. The problem isn’t the words. Sweetheart and Darlin’ could have been used if the context was different.
It is quite clear that based on the situation these colloquialisms weren’t meant with either kindness or affection (which is their real cultural use).
They were thrown back as weapons for downgrading the importance of the two women.
I can assure you that if the context was different, there would be less of an outcry. It’s one thing to play to the gallery, and another thing to forget that the party supporters in the crowd are outnumbered by the itching ears and angry eyes in radio and tv land
Len you are right. I want to take this opportunity to bring up again my point that the title for our elected leaders should not start with the word "Honorable". The word denotes a distinction of earned respect. A politician should be named honorable after his or her tenure if deserved. As far as I am concerned they are elected civil servants whose bosses are the citizens of this country. Premier or MLA are just titles that identify the amount of responsibilities we have given to each of this elected members. And these civil servants should report to the citizens monthly and tell us what they have done so far. And they must stop calling us "Sweetheart", "Darling", "Youngone" or just ‘hey you" and we must stop calling them honorable until they earn the title by what they do and not for winning an election.
Len, thank you for writing this timely and appropriate viewpoint.
Mr. Bush, you owe these two ladies a sincere apology.
Denise, I have watched you grow up from being a timid and shy, but smart child into a brave, composed, outspoken and intelligent lady. I am so very proud of you! Keep up the good work and don’t let yourself be intimidated by the premier or his cronies.
I have to ask this question to all those who blogged on this article including the author Len Layman himself.
If Estella Scott-Roberts were living today (God Bless her soul as she was a great Caymanian woman and will always be in our hearts) do you honestly believe she would be offended by the Premier’s remarks if she was at the Bodden Town meeting and was referred to as, "sweetheart and daling" ??
I’m a man, and also a true blooded Caymanian male. When in Cayman, or if I was traveling abroad and a "true female" even if they she was bisexual (not a transvestite though) referred to me as sweetheat, honey and darling, I would not be in anyway offended by this comment.
In fact if we (true male and female) were in a heated discussion over a topic whether in public or otherwise and if the "true female" said the words to me darling, honey, sweetie, I would view these words as a woman of character and one who was willing to compromise on a particular issue, which most likely would be resolved peacefully.
The problem in Cayman is that outside cultures, influences and norms, have somehow entered this country and have become "God’s Law" over local cultures, traditions and norms.
This is wrong and as the saying goes, "When in Rome, then do what the Romans do"
End of story !!!
How DARE YOU evoke Estella’s memory to try and make your illogical remarks have any credibility whatsoever? You clearly have no concept of what the woman worked and stood for.
If you knew anything about her, you would know that the whole "when in Rome" excuse did not sit well with her, for "when in Rome" has often been used to cover up all types of injustices, including domestic violence and discrimination.
Clearly in your statement with not so subtle homophobic overtones (seeing as you had to put it out there that you were a "true" male as opposed to what, a pretend one?), and total ignorance of human sexuality, if another man were to appreciate your assets and compliment you on them you would take offense. I wonder how well your fragile ego would handle if that were totake place during an event that was televised and broadcast on radio, so that ALL could hear and see you being the object of a public catcall.
The problem is that there are men like you who think that a woman should welcome any form of attention from a man simply because she is female and he is male. It should not matter: she should be flattered because YOU would be flattered. She cannot have feelings of her own because that is not how YOU would react.
What you clearly fail to understand is that the use of the terminology was condescending in the setting which it was used, as it would be if he were referring to an employee or a colleague. Period. Petulant children, that is how he treated two adult women. No one should ever be made to feel as if they are being diminished for speaking out (respectfully at that).
Cayman will continue to stumble forward at a snail’s pace because of people like you who ensure that every step forward is met with 20 steps back.
I am pretty sure that being a "true male" you would not take it so kindly if Mac had make you his sweetheart and dahling, huh???
Is anyone supposed to take this comment seriously? I mean, you have GOT to be joking.
First of all – "a true female" ? "True male"? What the hell is that? What would be a fake female or male?
And how DARE you presume to know that Estella would not be offended by such derogatory, disguting treatment of women?
You must certainly be one of Mac’s cronies, paid to make this type of commentary.
Thank you for illustrating YET AGAIN why this dialogue is so very necessary. Your ignorance speaks worlds.
Estella absolutely would NOT countenance being called "Sweetheart" as a condescending put-down.
Estella was an educated, studied champion for womens rights and equality – she went to university and was well trained enough to recognise this elementary-school bully tactic:
No way she would accept that either.
Oh get a grip and enter the Developed World.
where was this neanderthal hiding? ignorance at its highest – love the terminology… hugs and kisses, from one "true" male to another. lol
looks like it is not "end of story" sonny.
Dat wha ya get! What do we expect when we have an electoral system that allows a handful of West Bayers to pick the country’s leader?
Cayman needs national elections for national leaders.
This was posted on another story but seems pertinent yet again.
"But Campbell said he concluded his political struggles had become too big a distraction after seeing the muted public and media reaction to his announcement last week of the second largest income-tax cut in the province’s history.
"I think it is in the best interest of British Columbia to refocus people’s attention," he told reporters. "When people are focused on one person … it’s better to step aside."
From the Premier of British Columbia when discussing his resignation earlier this week.
Do the right thing Mac.
Frankly I see nothing wrong with Chubbs calling a woman "swetheart"
As long as everyone in future addresses their questions to McKeeva at press conferences as "I have a question for the Chubby uneducated leader"
This cannot surly be insulting as it is just a truthful statement
With all due respect, similar comments were made regarding this the morning after the circus by ‘anonymous’ people who do not sit on all these committees, boards, organizations.
that is true, but i don’t think that the point was for people in "committees, boards, organisations" to be differentiated from those like me who aren’t on any… and while it is essential that we all speak out in whatever form we can, there is something to be said for those who identify themselves when doing it. i can’t. but i’m glad that they (mr. layman and the 2 women) did.
To Caymanians for correct Cultural Interpretations,
Here’s a cultural clarification from another Caymanian for you: reducing the actions of the two young ladies to that of "exuberant youths who had questions prepared for them" is offensive. Why is someone who engages in their democratic right of freedom of expression exuberant?
More importantly WHY ON EARTH would you make a statement that implies that these young ladies could not possibly have thought of those questions for themselves? Is this how you perceive young people of these Islands? As puppets? Or is it simply because they are women, "dahling", for that is what you are calling them- brainless puppets.
Both young ladies not only have university degrees (one in politics!) but are also in tune with what happens in their community and actively involved. One has, on many occasions, taken on her counterpart publicly to debate the issues and has clearly demonstrated that she has done her homework, developed her own opinions and is quick on her feet (while I may not always agree with her, I must give props to her and state that sadly not the same can be said for her male counterpart).
The other, in case you missed it, who has no political affiliations, publicly asked all candidates for their qualifications in writing prior to the election, and at one point asked a member of the opposition (i think it was Arden) why the PPM was always " a day late and a dollar short" when the party appeared to be hibernating.
Hide behind culture all you want, but the bottom line is that your Beloved Leader’s actions were inappropriate not only because it was a public forum, but because he had been CORRECTED, PUBLICLY, at the first meeting by a woman who had not taken her married name and whom he insisted on calling her by that married name as she corrected him, (who interestingly enough asked him about the efforts to eliminate all forms of GENDER BIAS AND DISCRIMNATION!) and secondly by the young lady who declared "my name is caroline, sir, not sweetheart".
Cultural norms at one point dictated that what happened between a man and his wife in their home was no one else’s business, and that marriage was sacred and an abused spouse should not leave the home. Whether you like it or not there are women in our community who will fight for the respect they deserve.
I for one will stand by them as they do.
Please also note the following comments posted on 3 Nov., the morning after the debacle"
‘Also, hurling ‘you PPM’ at the lady because the lady’s questions made the Premier hot under the collar.
A person – a woman – is allowed to talk and ask questions regardless of whether a supporter of any particular political party or not.
Perhaps some need to take a look back in history to see how many died and suffered to obtain the vote and a voice for women.
Even after all the recent worldly travels, it appears not much has been learned.’
Note the comments that were posted on 2 Nov., the morning after the debacle as follows:
‘The Premier owes those two ladies from last night a deep and sincere apology for his disgusting behaviour towards them.
To call one lady "sweeheart" and then the other lady "darlin’" and "you, young woman" simply because he did not like the questions they were asking but yet address others by salutation/name was despicable.
Fine example for the young men of these Islands of how to treat women!
Mr Steve McField – maybe you should teach your ‘buddy’ some manners and give him lessons in civility and respect before you set up and start preaching to the people about respect for the position of Premier. Last night’s behaviour was a disgrace to the position/title of Premier.
Respect is earned and if the person in the position of Premier of a country is unable to show respect to the people then he is sure not going to get any in return!
Next time, please also ask your howling banshees to act in a more civil way at a public meeting.’
What do you expect? Our leader recently made a public statement supporting someone accused of resorting to violence as a result of being cuckolded. Whether that accusation is proved or not, the alacrity and specificity of the support was appalling.
Great commentary but I have to say why is there all of this shock over one of our politicians revealing himself to be a sexist neanderthal? Where have you people been the last 30 years? Does the public seriously think that this is
If sexual harassment was taken seriously in this country, the Glass House and LA building would have to have been converted into prisons long ago and Cayman would have been fresh out of politicians.
If you think some backward politicians addressing women as "darling" and "sweetheart" is bad, you should hear some of the stories I’ve heard directly from women who have to interact with these goofballs in expensive shirts.
Cayman has a long way to go on this issue.
Dear Len, "our country has made great strides", thank you for identfying with us. However you are obviously not one of us if you have to get so upset over the use of sweetheart and darling. As another post said the glass house would have been closed a long time ago if the women got so upset over these terms etc. The use by the Premier in this formum may have been inappropriate but there are other evils you should focus on Mr. Layman.
Lem’s comments have much worth and to suggest that there are other things more important to talk about makes his point even stronger. And, for goodness sake get off the bandwagon "you are not one of us Lem".
All these comments which refer to the longstanding unpolished behaviour of the Premier demonstrate that we have subjugated our values and self worth to such an extent that we see no need to address distasteful behaviour from him (and let’s be clear then from anyone else) as such behaviour has now become acceptable.
If we want to publicly agree that when referring to women in public as he did is A OK with all the inferences which such language carries we are then publicly saying that is how we see women (read that as all women) in our society. No you cannot exclude the ones you like in this context a woman is a woman is a woman. Women therefore have now been relegated to being lesser persons than men and as such should not to have a voice and question things going on in their community. Wow and they can vote?!!!!
Ironically this discussion identifies just where Cayman is today as a society. We are so far removed from recognizing the importance of basic things like respect for everyone (regardless of gender) honesty, accountability and trust.
You see folks, this curlish behaviour of the Premier is more than simply a public insult to two women, it is fundementally about how national leadership influences the behaviour of the man in the street. His behaviour permeates every element of the psyche of Cayman telling us as a people that it is OK to treat people like this and nothing will be said or done to you.
Such ebhaviour from the man in the highest political office in this country, the person who should be leading us with pride and respect during these difficult times.
So when we see deviant behaviour in sectors of our society we must recognize that at the core is a national sentiment being expressed that respect is conditional, trust is non existent and abusive leadership is ok.
The Premier has lost all sense of what others are worth by his actions, and……. in small and not so small ways the community appears to be fearfully endorsing what he says and does as this example shows.
So please can we begin to value something here in these islands again other than money? A huge step would be to demonstrate respect for each other in an honest and genuine way. Maybe if ordinary citizens start doing this the Premier will see that we are not going back to bush tea and mosquitoes but we are taking back the morals and values which makes for a real authentic human being.
Maybe you ought to think about what you just wrote boy.
And quit with the ‘you are not one of us’ With good reason, there are many people that don’t really care to be "one of us".
And finally, newt, the glass house SHOULD have been closed a long time ago.
" Dear Len, "our country has made great strides", thank you for identfying with us. However you are obviously not one of us if you have to get so upset over the use of sweetheart and darling"
Speak for yourself. I’m a Caymanian woman and I think that is an insult and should not be addressed as such.
Apparently, one factor why Domestic Abuse is not take seriously is because many in the Estella Scott Roberts Foundation were slow in responding to GENDER INEQUALITY –
The "Women’s Resource Center" is an example of GENDER INEQUALITY…
Now they pretty-it-up with changing the name to "FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER"
"Apparently, one factor why Domestic Abuse is not take seriously is because many in the Estella Scott Roberts Foundation were slow in responding to GENDER INEQUALITY –
The "Women’s Resource Center" is an example of GENDER INEQUALITY…
Now they pretty-it-up with changing the name to "FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER"
You serious? I can’t believe that anyone could come up with such a crazy idea. At least they are trying to do something. If you don’t like what they are doing, why don’t you start your own organisation or help them?
It’s only lately that emotional abuse was recognised.
They are fighting so much ignorance that it is really hard to do a lot. Look at the premier as an example. Gender Equality has been getting lip service for years from government. If you can’t respect your women then you have no respect for yourself. That is your mother, daughter, sister, etc.
What?? Is the Estella Foundation responsible for domestic violence not being taken seriously in Cayman?
Absolutely right. Where women become too ‘vocal’, men (and sometimes other women) immediately feel the need to subjugate and dominate the other woman to ‘put them back in their place’ or ‘remind them of their place’ — of inferority.
This is a fair example: the ladies stand to question this man of ‘power’ and publicly challenge him. Labelling her "Sweetheart" will deflect and belittle her, dismiss her question as frivolous and silly.
The use of these terms by our Premier is not an uncommon practice and is so regular that it is often unnoticed or is not commented upon.
For being the longest serving politician, our Premier is quite unpolished and undignified. His list of public gaffes are so numerous, people would hardly notice him calling a constituent "sweetheart" to deflect an uncomfortable question.
I agree. He is setting a very bad example for our young boys.
Mr. Layman is absolutely correct.
There is no excuse for such rude behaviour by any adult, let alone a political leader.
I don’t care what office he holds, the man does not deserve anyone’s respect.
His behaviour was disgraceful.
So very well said. I watched on TV also and was so embarassed.
The office of Premier stands little chance of being properly respected with attitudes and behaviors like those from Mr. Bush.
Neither can we expect those with questionable manners towards women or others to improve with such examples as from Mr. Premier.
I too would suggest that the Premier make a public apology. It could only be seen as an example of doing the right thing, and thus setting the right example!
You should be embarrassed. Seriously?? With the issues facing the country _this_ is the highlight of your observation? Perhaps you should consult deeper into your rational side, which and come up with a better argument and something to berate the Premier with.
This is a joke right?
Much as Mac don’t get it – you just don’t get the big picture either do you?
SERIOUSLY, you sir are presenting a very weak argument. Did you ever thinkthat the ‘issues facing this country’ may have their base in ignorant, chauvinistic, small (and here I mean incredibly small) minded people making important decisions, that don’t even know how to pretend to respect their constituents? That kind of talk belongs to yardbirds hanging out in the bush next to a beer store, NOT representative of anyone but their own pin-headed self.
AND by the way, just what are these issues that are more important than common decency?
Well stated!
We must all strive to debate ideas in a manner that respects basic decency and treat one another with respect even if our ideas clash.
The Premier’s insistance on referring to a member of the public as "sweetheart" even after she corrected him reflected poorly on him and his high office.
Dearest Len,…( sorry, could be interpreted as sounding condescending..)
Dear Mr. Layman,
Have you thought that this maybe a situation where you have a cultural bias on the nomenclature? I understand that you are from somewhere else and I am completely on your side when we deal with spousal abuse issues.
In many instances here in Cayman culture, the terms “sweetheart” and “darling” are used as terms of endearment not in the cultural negative way you have interpreted. Maybe your cultural history may be getting the better of your interpretation. Maybe the Premier was merely recognizing their exuberant youth!
It was clear that the two questions had already been answered by the Premier earlier in his speech and were being asked by the ‘exuberant youths’ who were only reading from scripts prepared for them by others. Speaking as a man also, I was embarrassed that the opposition MEN were not there to ask the questions themselves instead of sending the two young ladies to do this dirty work. Maybe the Premier was culturally reacting to the same and using nomenclature to highlight his personal concern for them. One never knows.
Secondly, and also as a MAN, I am concerned that you seem to believe that spousal abuse is committed only by men. There are many men in the Cayman Islands that are belittled, abused both verbally and physically and worst, by the WOMEN. I am not sure, therefore, of the link you sought with the spousal abuse reference and thus your comments are in themselves not setting the correct framework in peoples minds.
Just another interpretation…in another culture…
The premier had not answered those questions in his speech previously.
I have the privilege to have met both of those young ladies, and they are both very intelligent and passionate about Cayman. I can tell you that those questions were not prepared by anyone other than themselves.
I was at the last town hall meeting which was held in George Town. When Ms. Miller got up and asked her question Mackeeva attempted to insult her and insinuate the same that you have by saying something like, "I don’t know who you’re talking to on that phone of yours…" Ms. Miller calmly replied that she had been taking notes on her blackberry and was simply referring to them. Obviously, the premier is behind the technological times.
You have got to be kidding me. Carolina Ferreira with a prepared speech??? From SOMEONE ELSE??? Wake up.
You have got to be kidding!!?!
Do you think this is the first time he has done this?
If he is goin to apologise it will have to be for the many times he has done this.
I am female and he did it to me in front of a large audience too. And the phrase he used would identify me so I will not say it. Suffice to say it was demeaning and referred to my sex and made me out to be someone who was not very important and should not be listened to.
I have also heard the response from the Premier and UDP that people should have respect for his office when people disagree with him – he needs to learn a basic lesson from school children – respect earns respect.
I do hope, come the next elections, Cayman will not allow someone so ill educated and unsuitable for such high office no matter his love of the islands to take such a role. The Cayman people and the Expats who make this island their life and home deserve better.
Thank you Len, for speaking out. I too share your sentiment and outrage, disgust and shame. While we know that similar things happen in other countries, I always believed that it was our "aim" as a "christian nation" to strive for a higher standard.
I must say I was astonished and happily surprised that both young ladies did not back down and stood their ground. I would imagine that others (male and female) would be reduced to tears at such a vicious attack, but I suppose those are the people who remain silent because they fear the very same "wrath" will be directed towards them. And you wonder why so many write anonymously here…
I hope that this latest display is enough to harden our resolve to stand up for what is right and speak out… for ourselves if possible, but at least in support of those who, like these 2, are not afraid to use their voices when so many feel voiceless.
PS: from what I know of both I imagine that they won’t be backing down now either… can we look forward to a viewpoint, Miss Ferreria?
I really dont believe the term used by the Premier in such a forum was right. However, I dont think he meant for it to be as belittling as how some of us see it.
Mr. Bush is used to talking in the old way, which, may have been fine then. But, now this have changed and many will take offense to such terms.
He should move away from these terms and make it known publicly that he apologies for any offense caused to the recipients and others who were viewing the program.
I think Mac has great intentions but sometimes does not relay his messages quite well. He should also let individual know that he is not at liberty to get intodetails on the matter in question at present, inside of shying it. It will appear as if he doesn’t care but in fact the case by be just the information is not ready for the public.
Government is a business and in business management and development, ceratin details cannot be known in full until certain measures have been put in place. Talking prematurely and giving too much detail at the wrong time can be detrimental. Many will say he is a liar but it may be that he talked too soon and things have changed since, not that it wasnt intented to happen the original way. Politics here is too social!!!
Someone who holds that sort of position should be able to conduct himself in a professional manners at all times. It doesn’t matter whether he meant something with it or not.
Can you imagine Obama doing the same thing?
We know that McKeeva doesn’t have any class and lacks complete professionalism all the way around, so if people call him on on his lack of behavior he deserves every bit of it.
Please stop to make any excuses. The constant search for rationalizingand excusing things is what had brought on this downfall of our society! We have learned to expect and accept the minimum, where we all should always strive to be our best!
Cut him some slack…he only got to grade 6 after all…
I’d want to see his diploma before I believed that ‘made it to grade 6’ story
I echo the sentiment of Len Layman in describing the Honourable Premier’s use of Sweetheart and Darling when responding to questions from the floor at the meeting in Boddentown. It was offensive, and insulting tothose asking the questions. However, if their questions achieved nothing else, they certainly showed that a female, Caymanian voter such as myself should think twice before voting into power someone who would use a patronising tone like this in a public forum.
I encourage the questioners to continue asking questions and if they get this sort of response again, they will certainly have more and more supporters, male and female, and the Honourable Premier will be the loser.
Great point well delivered.
Len I agree with you. A public apology is assuredly called for in this instance. Our so-called leader has set a bad example. His actions go against the teachings of proper manners and public conduct promulgated by past generations. He truly ought to be ashamed of himself in this instance, and offer a contrite apology for having forgotten the lessons his elders handed down.
Thanks! As a female I am constantly asking male and female co-workers to refrainfrom calling me ‘sweetie’, ‘sweetheart’ and ‘honey’. I think many people believe it’s a term of endearment, good personality but I find it annoying to be called by these names and in the workplace………unprofessional! It’s just not that cute!
Come on honey, don’t be like that. Do not you not think that older men can call young women sweetie ?
It’s annoying because the terms are/were/can be used to degrade women and like someone else said to bring women back down, as if we are not equal (men are hard and loud, but women are suppose to be soft and quiet).
As far as I’m concerned at work there are just certain things that should not be said. But of course, people will use the "culture" card. I am a Caymanian woman, and if someone used one of those words in a degrading manner, he/she would know how I feel.
ok sweetie… I’ll make sure to not call you that again ;o)
well tell them not too call you "sweetie"… simple as that! Just don’t speak for everyone. I know some ladies right now that don’t mind being called "sweetie." If you’re going to represent the females all over the world on CNS, please respect their differences
Sir,
With all due respect, the Estella Scott Roberts Foundation need to also ensure they practice what they preach about gender equality.
This issue has to do more than the Premier’s out-of-context statements. Let me explain:
I too am a man, and I do recall that Estella’s death was attributed to the cold-blooded murder by two strangers – had nothing to do with a domestic abuse incident. To me, it was out of context to use the way she died as a Domestic Abuse’ home occurrence thing. XXXX
Anyways…
As a man, it seems to me that many (even from your ranks) have portrayed all "MEN" as abusers, and have done little to inform people of the fact that men can be victims of Domestic Abuse as well. There are some women supporting the Foundation that I as a male person will never ever show them my RESPECTS to this day! The way they went on before the fruition of Police investigations on Estella’s murder… their hate of the male gender… and prejudices… bowed my head in shame to be amongst them.
Domestic Violence is not just a WOMAN thing!
The Foundation has many good and upright women who are IMPARTIAL. But my personal view is… if some of them were abused individuals themselves, how in the world would you be able to have FAIR DEALINGS in a domestic situation where you have a female, calling herself the victim, painting the male into a monster. XXXXX
I personally have seen women (incapable of having the same physical strength of their male spouse), use their tongue in the most destructive way that their own community had no remorse for them when the man finally snapped! It is like boil water under the kettle. The kettle will one day whistle!
I have not heard anything from your supporters or this Foundation regarding VERBAL ABUSE and making FALSE REPORTS. I have not heard anything made public on VERBALLY ABUSING CHILDREN! The best news I heard so far, was they changed the name of "WOMEN’S RESOURCE CENTER" to "FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER"
So… yes Sir, you can talk about the Premier’s out-of-context words, but gender inequality seems to be in your ranks and the Estella Scott Roberts Foundation.
I do hope there is change…
But thank you for your post!
Thank you! I am someone (male) who has endured verbal and emotional abuse for years from a wife, and who has repeatedly been denied various rights here because the wife "refused to sign the forms" required. In fact, when I approached the (then) Women’s Resource Centre for assistance I was universally rejected and denied any help. Their response was "we don’t deal with those (female abusing males) situations." I am still facing severe persecution due to the inactions of my wife with regards to immigration matters, and would truly appreciate any assistance in dealing with the myriad issues I face now. As the Caymanians like to say I have nowhere to go, as my entire life savings have been invested in business and property here. All of this I would lose if I were to give up and leave now. This is not an option for me, especially at my age and in this worldwide wrecked economy.
It is not only women who are dealt with as "property" and routinely dismissed and berated by theirspouses/partners in this country with impunity. Now is the time to put a stop to gender discrimination and condescending attitudes towards anyone, regardless of gender. The immigration situation in this country perpetuates this dismal treatment of all who come here and marry local people, only to be treated as property and used and manipulated by either gender. Immigration is used by too many here as a weapon to perpetrate evil. In my many decades of enduring this treatment, I have constantly been threatened with "if you don’t like it, why don’t you leave" and worse. Enough of this madness!
Fairness and decency for all – male or female! And don’t call me "sweetie" either!
Len
I too, as a man and a father, have been subjected to verbal and physical abuse from a woman for years now and have been unable to anything about because our society and penal system only provides for the woman. If a man lays a hand on a woman it is abuse. If a woman does the same thing the man is supposed to suck it up and move on…Take it like a man they say. My ex wife told me that I better take my licks because all she has to do is say to the police that i did something to her and i will be arrested…Believe it or not its true and try to get anyone to believe any differently.."you are a man and that is what men do"
This woman not only abused me but my minor child who lives with me and wants nothing to do with his mother. Despite the fact the we are no longer together whenever she needs something both my child and I are subjected to the verbal abuse and in some cases physical abuse if we don’t give her what she wants which is usually money. We just give in because we know that if we say or do anyhting we will be the ones arrested and we know how the police and the court will treat us.
I say these things only to let you know that people like you can only see one side of things. Walk in my shoes for a day and you will sing another tune.
As far as the "dear" and "sweetheart " thing goes, you are a Johnny come Lately and as long as you have been here you obviously have not connected with many of the older Caymanians who use these terms frequently and not as abuse as you term it. I don’t do it and I don’t condone the Premier for using itif he used them in a condescending manner. Caymanians, just about every one of us has a parent or Grand parent that call us "dear" or "sweetheart" and I am not just talking about the men, the women do it too..oh yeah but I digress, it’s okay for women to say it. My grandmother still calls my son, "sweetheart," and my grand father calls my sister "sweetheart" I have not for once thought of either of them as being abusive or condescending.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said the following,
CAYMANIANS
ENDAGERED SPECIES!
XXXX
XXXX There is nothing in provision for a man divorced from his spouse who has a child where he can rightfully ensure that his maintenance monies goes directly to the child. I have personally heard from one of our female judges on the island that if you feed the cow, most naturally, you’ll feed the calf. The Judge was clearly saying that it did not matter where the monies for maintenance went. If the monies goes to the mother, it will end up going to the child!
I never heard such bog-wash in my life! I make x amount of monies for my child who I must share custody with – I have him for one month, she has him for one month. Yet… I must pay her maintenance continually every month! Moreover, when she has our child, I know she is not taking good care of him, but spending the monies on her nails, clothing, et cetera… He gets sick more than once!
But this is the WOMAN-system here on this island. It does not look out enough for the man, and yet they want to encourage GENDER EQUALITY.
I inquiried as what I can do to show to the courts that she is an unfit mother. But that did not work because they are looking for some evidence of mental illness, drug use, or something like that. I even had a social worker go there and … lol… this sound funny, but she cried to the social how I use to abuse her (all lies) and literally, the social worker took sides with her and did not refer her to the courts, as she protrayed me as the worse.
I tell… I have given up with this system and feel like living somewhere else!
Cayman Islands Social network is too British, it is in the business of DEMONIZING men before hearing both sides of a case. XXXX
The Family Resource Centre website had information on verbal abuse from the time it was called the Women Resource Centre. I don’t work for them but really don’t like it when people run down an organisation trying to help the people who can’t defend themselves.
Maybe instead of attacking their members, you can help make a difference. "You can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar."
You and the other poster sounds like you need counselling. All that anger is not good.
GunAdvocate,
With respect: you misunderstand what the Estella Foundation’s work is. Estella worked alot with domestic abuse and the Foundation is continuing her work. Her Foundation is not established to say the she, Ms. Estella died from or was a victim of domestic violence.
McKeeva Bush is XXXX and everyone should know that by now…….nothing new to be learned there.
I’ve not heard the debate myself to put all the opinions into context but I can surmise what took place.
I’m acquainted with the young lady who answered him back and if he knew anything about her, she’s more than capable of looking out for herself, in more ways than one.
Someone prepare and give her a speech and questions to ask for political reasons ????
Pleaseeee, give me a break; she should go into business writing and preparing other people’s speeches for them !! LLLOOLLLL !!
,At the same time, I support the views that ‘GENDER EQUALITY’ is an issue that has been used indiscrimminately for political reasons, in Cayman.
My experience goes back some years when a group of martial artists got together to teach slf-defense techniques to a group sponsored by the Women’s Foundation and the Business and Professional Womens Club.
The anti-male tone of that seminar, in which I participated as one of the instructors, was so obvious and disturbing that I had to make my feelings known, particularly to one major martial arts school operating in Cayman.
Their tone was one of such ‘political correctness’ that they could easily have been accused of fostering ‘ant-male’ sentiments, leading to backlashes at home if husbands and partners who were not at the seminar had been subjected to such opinions simple because their female partners had been doing some ‘martial arts’.
This school has continued to conduct similar projects and the overlall tone has remained quite the same, to an embarrassing and disgraceful level, for some of the things I’ve heard said in public, and in the presence of children as well.
Equality mean equality for all, both male and female.
Well put.