Robb’n and the Time of Ignorance

| 07/07/2010

Gather round one and all for I have another story to tell. Does everyone remember the first chapter in the story of Robb’n in the Hood and The Sullen Men and all of the other folks that inhabit the land of Ya? I hope you do but if you don’t, don’t worry. I will tell you where to find that chapter at the end of today’s story.

Now today’s story is about a very scary time for the freedom loving people of Ya, and a time when Robb’n had a scare as well. You see today’s story begins at a time just after the people of Ya had taken Robb’n on a very long journey through time. They took him all the way from his comfort zone to the year 2010.

Now you might think that travelling to 2010 would not be much of an adventure for Robb’n because most of us live in the year 2010, but for Robb’n it was an ordeal. You see the people of Ya gave Robb’n and The Sullen Men just a little peek at 2010, but Robb’n did not like what he saw. In 2010 there was freedom of information and a free press and oversight by auditors who told the people of Ya how Robb’n spent their money. Those things allowed accountability to thrive, and that was just too horrible for Robb’n to even contemplate. The thought of the people of Ya having access to information regarding how Robb’n spent their money madeRobb’n’s head spin, and it gave his money-loving cronies severe tummy troubles. 2010 also had creatures called journalists and bloggers who scared Robb’n so much that whenever he was around any one of them he would say really silly things in an effort to scare them away – but it didn’t seem to work.

You see Robb’n and his cronies are most comfortable in the Time of Ignorance. In the Time of Ignorance creatures who could bully and rant and roar the way Robb’n could had their way. That meant that they could spend all of the money of Ya exactly how they wanted. In the Time of Ignorance comprehension was not a prerequisite to either ranting or roaring. In fact, as Robb’n had proved beyond any doubt, in the Time of Ignorance one did not have to understand anything if one could rant and roar loud enough.

In the Time of Ignorance nobody dared complain or ask any questions. Not only that, but in the Time of Ignorance nobody recorded or reported on what Robb’n and The Sullen Men and their cronies said, or did, or took for themselves when they thought that no one important was looking. Robb’n wished he could stay in the Time of Ignorance for ever.

Not everybody thought that Ya was a nice place to be in the Time of Ignorance. Some who had nothing to hide actually liked freedom of information and freedom of the press and all that these things meant in 2010. That was a problem for Robb’n. He liked to have lots and lots of poor people working hard and in silence, all so that they could give him their money. You see Robb’n liked it when the poor people paid his really really big salary and the really really big pension that he took at the same time for doing the same job. Robb’n also liked it when the poor people paid for his first class travel, and his servants, and all the bills that ordinary poor people had to pay for themselves.

Robb’n desperately wanted to find a way to make all of the people of Ya live in the Time of Ignorance with him. So Robb’n schemed and schemed a very big scheme. Robb’n schemed to change the law so that he would know who was asking questions about the money he spent. Not only that, he planned to change the law so that he would get more money to spend on himself and other foolish things, all at the same time. Robb’n said to himself; “I am so very very clever. With this change to the law of Ya I will let it be known far and wide that anyone wanting to ask a question will have to pay lots and lots of money first, and then I will punish anyone who still dares to ask a question. So Robb’n ordered the representatives of the people to attend the official meeting place so that he could roar and roar and roar some more about what a wonderful and clever fellow he was.

Robb’n roared at Mr. R. Denn of the Eastern Area and he roared at Mr. Al Denn of the Area of George and he roared at all the other members of the Official No Position. But he did not roar about the Denn that the people asked about most – that was Maybe Denn. You see, every time the people heard that Robb’n was about to do something terrible to them they would say, “Maybe Denn the Official No Position will do something” – but they didn’t.

Robb’n roared at Mickey Mouse and everyone else that had dared to ask what had happened to the poor people’s money. He even roared at the very nice Wigged Lady who tries to referee the Blame and Inane Banter Game that Robb’n and the Official No Position play at the official meeting place. He roared about journalists and bloggers and people who criticized his extravagance, his Christmas lights and the silly silly things he says. He roared at people who make funny faces and he roared at the thousands of others who Robb’n claimed were responsible for everything he did that the people did not like. He roared about how Ignorance was bliss and how the people needed to trust him on that, and he roared of the need for everyone to like him and stay with him in the Time of Ignorance forever. And then, when everyone thought that he had roared hislast roar, he roared once more – about the need for a Council of Oppression that he could use to control journalists and what the people of Ya were allowed to know. How wonderful he said it would be, if he could prevent the people from having access to information he did not think they should have. And then he growled a growl and his eyes flashed as he announced to the people that they would have a new and very special information police to help keep Ya in the Time of Ignorance for ever and ever. 

When Robb’n finally stopped roaring his roars, The Sullen Men clapped their hands and slapped their desks just the way that they had been told to do. You see, as we learned in the last chapter, The Sullen Men (for that was the name given by the people of Ya to Robb’n’s henchmen) were a very mixed lot. A very few of them occasionally came up with a good idea or three, but such ideas were rarely accepted by Robb’n or noticed by the people. Robb’n’s spent so much time saying silly silly things and roaring his roars and ranting his rants that almost nothing else was ever noticed by anyone. Even when a good idea was suggested by one of The Sullen Men and allowed by Robb’n, it was almost sure to be lost in some of the silly silly things Robb’n said or in the Blame and Inane Banter Game which Robb’n was teaching The Sullen Men to play.

Robb’n encouraged the Blame and Inane Banter Game as it was something which just might help distract enough of the easily mislead to keep the poor people’s money in his pockets. Robb’n was secure in the knowledge that all of The Sullen Men liked the poor people’s money too. None of The Sullen Men showed the nerve to stand up to Robb’n about anything. Despite the pleas of the poor people of Ya, The Sullen Men served Robb’n well in the official meeting place.

None of The Sullen Men dared to speak out of turn at the official meeting place. In fact they hardly spoke at all, not even about the budget of Ya. They said nothing about spending all of Ya’s money and a lot that was borrowed besides. The Sullen Men just sat and sat as that was what they were told to do.

Now another thing that you need to know about Robb’n is that Robb’n likes shiny things like medals. You see Robb’n had once heard that people who were talented in one way or other were sometimes given medals. Robb’n, being Robb’n, thought that there was no one more talented than Robb’n. After all, Robb’n had a higher opinion of himself than of anyone else, and that was the only credential he needed – or had. So Robb’n decided that Robb’n deserved medals, lots and lots of medals, and those who did exactly what Robb’n told them to do, well maybe they might get to hold a medal – at least for a while . And then Robb’n had another insight – which was very rare. “My medal plan is such a clever idea and my Council of Oppression idea is very clever too. I think that I should offer a medal to any journalist who only gives the people of Ya exactly the information that I say that they should have.”

Robb’n was exceedingly pleased with himself. He could give the medals out and take them back whenever he felt so inclined. Not only that, but he might be able to convince some of his more inexpensively bought supporters to accept medals rather than appliances. “That would be really really good for my wallet,” thought Robb’n, and it was exceedingly practical as well. You see, it was hard to get back and re-gift used appliances. And then Robb’n smiled a big smile as he thought how medals bought in bulk and paid for in advance by the poor people of Ya just might help secure the next of Ya’s elections.

Now I know that some ofyou might be inclined to make funny faces when I tell you about some of the silly silly things that Robb’n says and does, but I have to warn you thatRobb’n does not like that at all – and he may be watching. You see Robb’n has observed that some people make funny faces when he roars his roars and rants his rants. Robb’n has even ordered his Proto-Call people to issue an official statement that says that protocol requires the people of Ya to agree with whatever Robb’n spends or says or does – and no questions allowed. The Proto-Call people have also prohibited anyone from making a funny face without Robb’n saying “Robb’n says” first.

Now no doubt you are thinking, what should the people of Ya who do not want to live in the Time of Ignorance do? If the people of Ya allow him, Robb’n will not hesitate to shut the door on freedom of thought and the rest of 2010. There are even those who speculate that all those new CCTV cameras in Ya will be used to catch those committing the new offense of making a funny face in response to one of Robb’n’s silly silly roars, or the next huge personal bill of his that he wants the poor people of Ya to pay. That is a very scary prospect indeed, but it hasn’t happened yet and it need not ever happen. There are things that we the poor people of Ya can think, things that we can write, things that we can say, and things that we can do – but time is running out.

We the people of Ya can continue to point out what is right and wrong when Robb’ n seems to care only about what is profitable for him and his friends. We can poke and poke and poke the people of the Official No Position until they wake up and start to protect our freedoms. We can start petitions. We can arrange for big questions to be asked in the official meeting place in Angle-Land – questions that might wake up the High Sherriff of Ya, who is also supposed to keep an eye on Robb’n and other threats to law and order. But most of all we can put on our whompers and straw hats, or our sneakers and baseball caps, and we can practice marching. It is good exercise and all.

Robb’n’s Time of Ignorance may appear to be walled the way his home is intended to be, but the walls of Ignorance are, for the moment, nothing but wet sand. Like the ancient city of Jericho in the Old Testament, with the right leader and the people of Ya marching, the walls around Robb’n’s Time of Ignorance will fall as surely as night follows day. For you see, Robb’n and his cronies fear the prospect of the people marching even more than they fear that the people will learn what they are taking and doing. They feed on our little fears, our little weaknesses, and our laziness.

There are many among you my people of Ya who have the honesty, integrity, intelligence, fortitude, common sense and common decency that Ya needs in its leaders. Who among us is willing to lead in the fight to protect our freedoms? Who will stand and march for Ya and for what is right? Who will march to show Robb’n that we are his master and not the other way around?


CNS has kindly provided for the previous chapter in the chronicles of Robb’n to be found here:

The Machinations of Robb’n in the Hood

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Comments (24)

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  1. Frequent Flyer says:

    Hahahaha! Brilliantly done. Very clever

    I also have to laugh at the thumbs down.  ‘Someone’ just went down and thumbed down every single post.

    That’s so funny

  2. vocal local says:

    Brilliant satire…and also, sadly, so very true.


    • Turtle's Head says:

      You have not come across much satire have you?

      • Frequent Flyer says:

        My Darling, satire is in the eye of the beholder.

        And as you can see from all posts of this and his other viewpoint, you are one of the very few with that opinion.

        But just to remind you of lessons we all should have learned in preschool and kindergarden; each is entitled to their own. No point lashing out at those that do not agree with you.

  3. Beachboi says:

    Brilliant!!!!  Robb’n will not like this at all, but it is true. 

  4. FedUpCaymanian says:

    I agree!  Absolutely Brilliant.  I’m tying on my walking shoes as we speak.  I just hope those voters from West Bay [you know who you are] who got us into this predicament will be marching along as well.

  5. Xpat says:

    As an Expat (been here a year)- the article is brilliant!! tells me all i need to know about Cayman (sadly- paradise lost…)

  6. Anonymous says:

    As always, there is a very serious message under this well crafted satire. We Caymanians should not forget how many of our ancestors around the world fought with their very lives so that we can enjoy this freedom today.  We should not let Mac take it away. We should not let their work be in vein. The only thing that appears to give Mac pause is thought that we Caymanians will be so fed up with him that we will march against him.

  7. Anonymous says:

    To Mr. Very, Very, Tedious……is your other name Robb’n, by any chance? If not, GET A LIFE!!! This is a brilliant piece of satire!

  8. Anonymous says:

    I wonder if Robb’n’s full name could be "Robb’n de People" by any chance?

  9. Anonymous says:

    Very, very tedious, juvenile and blunt "satire". Depressingly, it will get lots of people saying how brilliant it is. The reality on which it is based is bizarre and humorous enough as it is without this heavy handed dreary stuff.

    • Anonymous says:

      Man you must have had a seriously bad day/week/life. Maybe you will have a better day tomorrow.

    • Little John says:

      You Hush!!  Go back where you come from….

      • Anonymous says:

        Sorry, Little John, but I’m from here.. Why would you think I wasn’t?

        • Rorschach says:

          I may be wrong, but i think he was sarcastically quoting one of our Premier’s ridiculous rants…you know the one he has for anyone who disagrees with whatever he says??

        • Anonymous says:

          Statistics. There a few isolated pockets ofhumourless pompous gits in Cayman but as a species they are reported to be very uncommon.

    • Anonymous says:

      I found it depressing as well. I read it again to find out why, and then I realized it was because it was all true.

    • Anonymous says:

      Are you writing in your official capacity with the Society for the Preservation of Bombasic Comments or is that your personal view?

    • Anonymous says:

      The reality of threats to freedom of information and freedom of the press is "humerous" to you? That speaks volumes in and of itself. The remainder of your critique was sophmoric. 

    • Sheerluck Holmes says:

      I agree.  His first bash was at best the stuff of a decent public school newspaper but no more.  But this is a website where 50% of the posters can’t get sarcasm to better quality satire (i.e. less blunt and school boy) would be completely lost on them.  So maybe he is playing to the level of his audience.


    • Anonymous says:

      Aristophanes as I am sure you are aware, your namesake also had critics. Continue to write for our time just as your antecedant wrote for his. Most of us get what you are writing and why you use the style you do. To paraphrase an old rhyme:

      Great critics have little critics who do their best to smite them, and little critics have other critics and so ad infinitum. 

  10. Anonymous says:

    Another brilliant piece. I wonder if the politicians understand it?